Tag Archives: Toddler Madness
You Fake Mother Fucker
You Fake Mother Fucker
I have nausea something fierce.
I have indigestion.
I have HUGE sore boobs.
I have smell-o-vision.
I went to dinner last night (a real GROWN up dinner with real GROWN up conversation!) and could barely eat because I was so queasy. I took a sip of wine (after a toast. I had to!) and it instantly gave me heart burn.
I’ve been pregnant before. Several times. And these are all the same symptoms.
Yet?
I still have a white as the driven snow spot where I should have that second line. I’m tempted to show up and make them give me my beta so I can end the Fake Fucking Morning Sickness and the “maybe the test (The two batches of tests. From two different stores. It could [never] happen!)was wrong” that’s floating around in my head.
Beta tomorrow and then a thankful release from this progesterone hell. Time to start healing and losing some of this mother fucking IVF weight.
Fucker.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Trying To Breed
Coupon Love
Crunchy Peanut Butter... Toast?
I used to think I was allergic to air travel. Every time I arrived anywhere, my stomach hurt, and my skin itched. Turns out, I’m allergic to peanuts. Never been a huge fan, and that news made me pretty much hate them. The smell makes me gag.
Fast forward to last week where Monkey discovered cashews at Costco.
Then decided he would eat nothing but for three days.
Monkey only has about a dozen teeth.
Today, this picture? It is exactly what I found in Monkey’s diaper.
Except it smelled like the sewer.
Yet, Still I Would Like Another.
In other news, DaddyO has given the go ahead *drum roll please* to do One More Cycle!! I recieved my blood test results today, and my FSH is 6.8, and my estrogen level is 13. My lucky number!
Because we have spend so much on IF this year, and made so little, this round is completely tax deductable. That’s right Folks. We are only trying again because we have a coupon.
Filed under The Little Monkey
Boring Update About Boring Things.
booooring.
Monkey is sleeping in his bed! I am still in complete and absolute shock every time I say it’s Nite Nite and he climbs into the crib. He fusses, tosses and turns and then?
He goes to sleep.
And? He sleeps all night. Or, at least until 6am. That 6 am thing is still killing me. Being a sex worker means never having to see 6am. At least, you know, from THAT side of it. Staying up till 6am…
Actually, truth be told, not so much into that either.
But given the choice, would MUCH rather party till 6am, then peel myself out of bed to sit and watch Yo Gabba Gabba with a gabbering toddler.
Ok. Really. More confessions here. I like Yo Gabba Gabba and I will cuddle with Monkey ANY time he lets me. Just… Does It Have To Be 6am??
So now I’m finally getting 6 and 7 hours sleep. IN A ROW! And it has done wonders for my attitude. I’ve even gotten some special DaddyO time. But still, the second Monkey is in bed…
Filed under The Little Monkey, Trying To Breed
Sleep Draining Revisited
sleeping baby. not mine.
So, we have spent the last week and a half or so with Monkey sleeping in his own bed.
The Evil, Evil Crib.
The crib I was sure was bathed in holy water the way it made him scream every time I laid him in it for the last 17 and something months.
Amazingly enough, it was way easier then either of us had expected!
Sort of.
I had started telling him he was going to be sleeping in his Big Boy bed that night earlier in the day. We went through our new sleep routine, bath, book, bed, and tucked in. He screamed. I left the room. He screamed louder. I waited 10 minutes in which I was fairly certain I would return to a room covered top to bottom in vomit he was screaming, coughing, and gagging so loudly.
But nope. Just a teary eyed EXHAUSTED toddler. No vomit.
Filed under Random Fluffy Bits, The Little Monkey
Where we were. Where we are. Where will we be?
Family Portrait
8 Weeks ago today I was 11 weeks 5 days pregnant. By midnight, I was … not.
Every once in a while something, a person, a place, an idea, the 5 pounds I put on and haven’t been able to lose, will remind me, and I’ll be gutted all over again.
Just a couple months ago, life was so different. DaddyO had a good paying job (albeit one he hated), we were slowly finishing a remodel of our house and I was a stay at home mom expecting our second.
Now? Not so much the fun. DaddyO is unemployed, money is tight, remodel is paused, I’m not pregnant, just fat, I’m trying to get more Dominatrix work, instead of cutting back, and DaddyO has changed his mind about number 2.
Tomorrow we go in to discuss doing out FET in October. One Fabulous 5 Day Embryo, One 41 Year Old Uterus. Usually with my advanced level of AMA, (get off my lawn you god damn kids) she likes to transfer 3. Our chances are not so good.
Sleep Training
Sleep Training
As a Dominatrix, who has spend years training humans, you would think training a child would come as second nature. You would be horribly wrong.
Monkey is a sleep ninja. I’m pretty sure if left to his own devices, he could stay awake for days on end, getting more and more hyper until he could levitate on nothing but crazy toddler energy.
We have been co-sleeping, so generally, I just lay down with him, give him the boob and sneaking off like a thief in the dark when he goes down.
Unfortunately, this magic boob trick is starting to work less and less. He will fight sleep and I’ll be stuck laying next to him until I go to sleep, missing any personal (or, um, personal DaddyO) time I would have in the evening. Or, his other fabulous trick, waking 20 minutes after I sneak out, screaming and crying, so I have to start over again with the laying down and the sneaking out.
Filed under The Little Monkey
Lalalala Land
We’re in Los Angeles visiting family. Usually, I would fly in, visit with family, visit with Domme friends, make some $$, go shopping on Melrose, have a client take me to Disneyland… Once even in a Limo, maybe have a fancy dinner. Maybe a couple drinks in a snooty bar.
This trip? Very very different.
Their guest room is now a nursery so we are, being unemployed and all, at the local travelodge. $120 a night.
Do you know what $120 a night (plus 14% tax) gets you in West LA? Peeling wallpaper, towels you can read through and a questionable smell. I can only imagine what filth is hidden in the psychedelic carpet.
I think I’ll keep my shoes on thank you.
This room would be fine if it was just DaddyO and I. However, Monkey would like to store his snacks on that rug. For later.
Ew!
Thankfully, we are not spending a lot of time in the room.
Everything Mistress Knows, She Learned From Her Toddler
Everything Mistress Knows, She Learned From Her Toddler Read more: Everything Mistress Knows, She Learned From Her Toddler
This morning when I was sitting on the toilet trying to poo and Monkey was slapping and biting my thigh, I realized once again that I, who was once a Globe Trotting Top, am now, a caged bottom.
For example, I like to give my clients simple assignments, then do outlandish or mean things to distract them.
When I’m doing overnight scenes with a submissive, I wake them randomly, giving them commands and expecting them to be able to comply no matter how deep a sleep they might have been moments before.
Sound familiar?
When we are sitting around the dungeon, I throw things for them to fetch. (meal time with a toddler anyone?)
I occasionally yell and smack them around for not reading my mind, or not doing what I ask fast enough.
When we go out to eat, I take food off their plate if I want. Or shove my food, half chewed, into their mouth.
Filed under The Little Monkey, The Spanking Factory
14 between 7 and 18
Either the sleeping, or the screaming, is about to begin
Getting close. So very close. And I almost don’t care.
Monkey has been sick. Is still sick. We finally went to the Dr yesterday and it has turned into an ear infection AND and raging case of pink eye. He doesn’t want to eat. He doesn’t want to sleep. He doesn’t want anyone to turn the Roomba off. He’s as cranky as can be.
Last night I sat “watching” TV, holding my ganarelix, waiting for 10:30 to roll around so I could crawl into bed and sleep the sleep of the dead. I can’t even tell you what I watch or if I finished it. I could hear Monkey tossing and turning and snorting and coughing. DaddyO came home from iPad Dev Camp all jazzed and telling me all about it and I can’t remember a word of it.
Filed under Trying To Breed
11 follicules between 6 and 11!
Snotasaurus Wrecks
Two 11′s has to be good, Monkey being born at 11:11pm and all.
Now I’m worried that I’m going to get his knarly cold just in time for transfer. I’m also worried that he’s going to have an issue in the future from all the hormones in the breast milk. And finally, I’m worried that the follicles won’t grow as well as they should because I’m breastfeeding.
I’m also worried that it’s getting too cold at night for my tomatoes, but that’s another post. Damn this is a long cold spring!
Shots 5/10 were done with him crying and wiping his nose on my jamma bottoms before nearly pantsing me. Uhg. Can’t WAIT till he feels better.
Starting to feel full and experiencing some warm menstral like cramps. Had another headache. Been a bit tired. No other symptoms yet. And realistically, those last two are probably from being up at all hours with my snotasaurus.
Filed under Trying To Breed
Chickenpig2 on D is for DominationYou are definitely as much a therapist as a sex worker, although being a therapist would require investing in a whole new wardrobe, not to mention an office with a trickling water feature, soft new agey music, and maybe a fish tank. 
braving_ivf on D is for DominationProof of how complicated we all are. Physical/emotional/mental stuff all collides sometimes. I'm confident they both felt well taken care of, even if it wasn't exactly how they expected to be taken care of when they arrived. 
tzzw on D is for DominationI'm not kidding: 80% of my sessions are like this. Self care! Have fun at Disneyland! :) 
dipitie on D is for DominationWow. You really do have a tough job. You are closer to a therapist than you are a sex worker. 
Lynn Lacroix on The Other Women: Lynn Lacroix, part deuxThanks for sharing my story again, Mona! It's funny. I wrote it, but I still get turned on reading it.