Tag Archives: poop
Years ago a client contacted me. He was a novice interested in pretty basic S&M, very respectful and enthusiastic. Once at my feet, he admitted that his real fetish was … having women fart in his face.
Only problem? I would rather bloat up like the Good Year Blimp then fart in public, let alone in a strange man’s face. I also don’t do ANY kind of scat play in the dungeon. I’ll issue an enema, but Hell No, I will not stick around and watch you release it. Once doing some glycerin play a client crapped his diaper and I made him leave the dungeon wearing it. Seriously. No. Poop. Hard limit.
And it’s not just strangers poop I refuse to deal with. I once spent 5 days in Mexico on vacation and couldn’t poop until I came home to the privacy of my own bathroom. As far as the world is concerned, my ass is entry only.
I used to think I was allergic to air travel. Every time I arrived anywhere, my stomach hurt, and my skin itched. Turns out, I’m allergic to peanuts. Never been a huge fan, and that news made me pretty much hate them. The smell makes me gag.
Fast forward to last week where Monkey discovered cashews at Costco.
Then decided he would eat nothing but for three days.
Monkey only has about a dozen teeth.
Today, this picture? It is exactly what I found in Monkey’s diaper.
Except it smelled like the sewer.
Yet, Still I Would Like Another.
In other news, DaddyO has given the go ahead *drum roll please* to do One More Cycle!! I recieved my blood test results today, and my FSH is 6.8, and my estrogen level is 13. My lucky number!
Because we have spend so much on IF this year, and made so little, this round is completely tax deductable. That’s right Folks. We are only trying again because we have a coupon.
This morning when I was sitting on the toilet trying to poo and Monkey was slapping and biting my thigh, I realized once again that I, who was once a Globe Trotting Top, am now, a caged bottom.
For example, I like to give my clients simple assignments, then do outlandish or mean things to distract them.
When I’m doing overnight scenes with a submissive, I wake them randomly, giving them commands and expecting them to be able to comply no matter how deep a sleep they might have been moments before.
When we are sitting around the dungeon, I throw things for them to fetch. (meal time with a toddler anyone?)
I occasionally yell and smack them around for not reading my mind, or not doing what I ask fast enough.
When we go out to eat, I take food off their plate if I want. Or shove my food, half chewed, into their mouth.
This past weekend one of the many social obligations we had was a late night party for DaddyO’s work. I’ve been to many over the years and know a lot of people who work there. Generally I grab a drink, try to play the role of the good wife, ignore the stares from the Boys Club who all know what I do for a living because they surf the web constantly looking for sex and socialize with the wives and the two women who work at the company. Fun Fun! This time, I was feeling sleepy and a little barfy so, I stayed in the background and watched the social games in action.
OK. This is getting a little kookoo. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I can barely fit in my pants. Why? Because my ass is completely bruised and swollen from all the PIO shots. Each one seems to swell a little more. Bruise a little more. About now I feel like I have twin ectopic pregnancies on my ass.
Then? There is the ACTUAL pregnancy. I’m sure that lil blueberry has a LOT to do with my pants being tight.
Finally? And most importantly? I still can not poop. Even though I can not eat anything other the the fabled P-fruits (the pitted fruits that are supposed to make you poop) and vegetables covered in vinager. Don’t vegetables have fiber? Doesn’t fiber make you poop? And I’ve been drinking prune and pineapple juice which does at least make the marbles come. But I can tell, since I just ate the entire produce department at Lucky’s, that three small marbles? Just the tip of the preverbial poop iceburg. I increased the prune juice, but that just gave me stomach cramps and killer gas.