Tag Archives: infertility
Feelings
I'm pretty sure one of these fits. Just not sure which one. And it's subject to change. Abruptly.
Blarg. It’s been a week and I’m still trying to sort them out. The cold meds aren’t helping. I used to get a cold right after finals every semester. I guess this is pretty much the same thing. Big stress followed by big virus. And this time I was so stressed I cracked one of my brand new fancy white fillings, and now I need a crown. Oh Fab. More time at the dentist.
I’m sad I won’t be able to give Monkey a sibling. Although, realistically, he has a cousin, and several nieces and nephews that are his age. Even thought they are all a state away, we see them on holidays and quite often in the summer. And a couple months ago good friends of ours from the city bought a house down the street and we see them and their two small kiddies all the time. Monkey is not going to be lonely.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Trying To Breed
Game Over
Game Over
Today is 7dp6dt. 13 days passed ovulation. I have been plagued with heartburn the last couple days. And heart palpitations. And the occasional dizziness. And sore boobs. And lots of nausea. And a crazy appetite.And peeing ALL the fucking time. I even had the tell tale change of scent in my lady city, and speaking of scent – I can smell my fridge from here every times it’s opened.
With shaking hands I pee’d on a first response. I snapped on the lid and set it upside down on the bathroom floor. I finished peeing and left to get a good luck sniff of Monkey.
I stared at the bathroom door.
I stared at the little stick.
I reminded myself that I would much rather get a BFN then have another miscarriage.
I reminded myself that I have one fabulous Monkey (who I really wish would nap again.)
I reminded myself that it was only 7dpt and that it was afternoon pee.
Filed under Trying To Breed
Dear Santa
Dear Santa
Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want.
Actually, unlike Sally Brown, I have not at all been extra good this year, but I only want one thing.
A baby.
A cute little screaming all day and keeping me up all night, pooping up it’s back into it’s onsie when we are out running errands without a back up, spitting up down the front of me, pulling it’s brothers hair and drooling on his favorite toys (sorry Monkey. Someday you will understand.) baby.
I’m not picky as to the color, size or sex. Healthy would be nice. And I know it might be a rush order to have it in my stocking Christmas morning, so I’m totally OK if you get it to me later in the year.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues.
My state of mind
My state of mind
I’ve done a great job of keeping myself busy lately. Play dates, and writing about dirty talk and having a new friend over to drink WAY too many delicious Manhattans and talk about sex toys until well passed my bedtime. For the most part I’m just ignoring the upcoming Final Transfer in January. I really don’t expect it to work. I’ve seen too many negatives in the last two years and lost two babies. I just don’t feel like it’s in the cards for me.
And for the most part, at this point, I’m OK with it. I’m lucky that I have Monkey. I’m lucky that I had the three boys when I was a teen – although I was WAY to young and terrified to enjoy them.
Having Monkey stay an only child means that we can afford to give him a better education and travel with him. Having one is easier.
Such hollow words.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Trying To Breed
Ice Ice Babies
Ice Ice Babies
Here we go again. Operation: have a baby.
Although. I’m sorta leaning towards renaming it “Operation Put A Reproductive Endocrinologist’s Kids Through College Because I Can’t Fucking Let Go Of The Idea Of Having Another Baby.”
Or maybe “Oh lookie – we have an extra 3 grand and I have nothing to obsess about so lets see what the local RE is doing next week.”
or… “Fuck. Let’s just get this over with?”
*sigh*
A part of me is thinking that, Fuck Yeah! This is it! This time it will work. This time I’ll get pregnant. It’ll be fine. But the other part, the MUCH bigger part is wondering how it could ever work.
Five 5 and 6 day blasts. We didn’t get that when I was 39 during our first cycle. I should feel like this would give us a great chance at concieving. But instead, I’m pretty sure that whenI show up to the transfer next Saturday, they will realize they have the wrong person.
Filed under Trying To Breed
My Favorite Couple
My Favorite Couple
I’ve been seeing my favorite couple for about 5 years, since they were both in their early 70′s. He is a serious masochist and his wife, who had always been his Mistress and play partner was no longer able to hit him as hard as he liked.
He came to visit me on his own the first time. He wanted to explore cock and ball torture, bondage, and corporal discipline, i.e., spanking, flogging and caning. At one point, after having flogged him thoroughly, I had him restrained, hands over head, I performed a little maneuver we lovingly refer to as The Helicopter on him. I’ve had men scream and beg for it to stop. I’ve had men about pass out. I’ve had men promise to do anything, if only I say I will never, ever, do that again, his response? Spontaneous orgasm.
Let The Waiting… Continuuuuue!
Let The Waiting… Continuuuuue!
Friday’s IVF consult went fine. The nurse knew less then the clinical trial co-ordinater about the trial details, so it was pretty much a straight forward consult first with the nurse to let us know their appointment protocol;
“and we offer a injections class-”
“Are you asking me to teach it? Because I could at this point.”
Then a financial consult to let us know the $$ details – minus the $$ details involved with the trial.
Soo… we now know … about as much as we did before. I have to go see my GP to get my VItamin D and Prolactin levels tests. Mr DaddyO needs a new semen analysis. Other then that, we wait for Aunt Flo to rear her ugly head, then book a mid cycle date with Dr Wand, and hopefully by then, the trial details will be in place and we will be first in line, legs spread, waiting to sign up.
Filed under Trying To Breed
The Next Penultimate Round of IVF
The Dr is Real In!
Tomorrow morning we have the next in a series of phone consultations with a local clinic to be part of an IVF trial. It means a half price round and… we all know how much I love a sale!
Yup.
I guess at this point I should just call them all the latest penultimate round of IVF.
This week I started royal jelly, wheat grass, prenatal vitamins and CQo10 in hopeful preparation. Pulling out All the Stops. Even, possibly, the clowns if need be.
Monday I had my blood drawn and although I haven’t received the results yet, I’m pretty sure my thyroid is fine. I feel better then I have in months and after going over my symptoms with my Dr last week, I’m pretty sure I was over medicated since before the last cycle. Could that have added to it’s failure? I guess we will never know. I wish I realized what a crackpot that RE was well before we gave her so much of our money, hopes and dreams. I sorta want to egg her clinic at this point.
Filed under Trying To Breed
Acceptance (but maybe still screaming a little bit in spots.)
still screaming a little bit in spots
Last night after my session (which was a combination service and whipping session and in itself made me feel better) I treated myself to a cleansing evening at the local Korean Spa. I sat in the heat and watched the parade of local naked girls walk by and realized a couple things.
First. We women come in a LOT of shapes and sizes. Not many of them Playboy ready.
- The adorable curvy girls who mentioned being from the Pacific Northwest and sported HUGE dark bushes to prove it.
- The skinny ass lil tattoo’d and shaved (yes, down there. No landing strip, no nothing) Suicide Girl types.
- The HUGE chicks. Both tall and… well. Just big. Two of them. Taking up most the hot tub. Making me feel very very small. They were sorta loud too.
- The tiny little asian girls who sat in the water with their towel wrapped around them. Can’t tell you much of what was under there. It was tiny, and I’m thinking pretty firm.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., The Spanking Factory
PickyBritches on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayWe hide our BDSM lifestyle by doing things like using the miniblind handle as a whipper! You know, they just sort of pop right off the hook, don't make much noise, and sting like a mother fucker! Perfect! :D 
neeroc on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayV (5) was with me when that IG pic came across my timeline. I told her they were earrings *g* 
QueerieBradshaw on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayI wanted to post something about anal being outside of the box, but I couldn't come up with something funny enough. My life is thinking outside of the box. Including buying paddles with you at the place we aren't mentioning due to you not wanting to be sued. 
Mona Darling on A Rockin Parenting Fail.I got a new system. I'll post about how he out smarted me on that one soon. :-/