March 28, 2012

How to feel overwhelmed.

A cry for halp

A cry for halp

I’m having one of those days. So many irritations. So few people to beat.

We woke up late. Really late. The stormy weather made for a dark bedroom and the pitter pat of rain, and the warm snoozing toddler made for such a wonderful warm sense of peace as I woke and snuggled and then glanced at the clock FUUUUU, we need to leave in 20 minutes.

This was soon followed by hitting every light as it turned red, and getting stuck behind someone would was doing 30 in a 45 with no place to pass.

And a strange back up of traffic in a place where there usually is no traffic.

And the car needing gas.

And finally dropping the Monkey off as school and getting to my coffee shop and finding that the last available seat where I could sit and look at strap-on’s on the Eden Fantasy‘s site in private, faced… a large table of trophy wives having a baby shower.  Read more...

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March 26, 2012

C is for Cleavage

C is for Cleavage

C is for Cleavage

Cleavage. The great equalizer. Man or woman. Gay or straight. We have ALL made idiots of ourselves over cleavage at one point or another. If you tell me you haven’t, I will assume you have done something so entertainingly horrific over cleavage that you are still in court ordered therapy for it.

Because if Jane Mansfield and Sophia Loren can create this masterpiece of inappropriate staring, then imagine the scene common humans like us create every day.

In the dungeon, I wear my cleavage like a weapon. Fredricks of Hollywood helps me raise my well worn milk makers to new heights creating a monument to boobs everywhere. I play a mean game of “I Dare You To Look” with my cleavage and my whip hand.

And boys lose every time.

Of course, in the dungeon, it’s a consensual game. I put my cleavage out there, and they gladly pay the price for a peek.  And truthfully, it’s a sad day when they are so well trained that they can resist looking.  Read more...

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March 23, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey. A Review from the Dungeon.

Fifty Shades of... oh my, I'll be right back.

Fifty Shades of... oh my, I'll be right back.

After ignoring the chatter about this ‘mommy porn twilight fanfic’ for the last several months, finally, someone pointed out that it was also BDSM themed, and before I could finish reading her 140 character tweet, I had downloaded it to my iPad.

For, you know, research on my fellow mommy bloggers reading habits. You know?

It is indeed… hot! I devoured the first couple chapters. Talk of a slave contract and playing in a red room of pain kept me on the edge of my seat wiggling in joy despite the horrible writing, editing and, you know, writing.

SPOILER ALERT: I talk about all kinds of plot points in this review. They come from my point of view as someone who has played in the dungeon for twenty years. Someone who has signed slave contracts. And someone who has suffered abuse.  Read more...

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March 17, 2012

The Other Women: The Cheater.

Cheating...

Cheating...

This is a guest post from Daniella about her habit of cheating on her husband.  If you would like to be part of my The Other Women series and write about your sexual identity, contact me! Your story can be silly, sexy or sad. There is no normal and all points of view are invited to join.

Hi my name is Daniella and I’m a cheater. Sounds like an AA meeting doesnt it? Maybe there should be a cheaters anonymous although they might all end up sleeping together.

I didnt plan on  cheating on my husband it just happened. Funny how you hear that alot.

I love my husband to pieces, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  There is just a part of me that needs more.

I have a very high sex drive. Ridiculously high and he just cant keep up with me so i look elsewhere for my satisfaction.  Read more...

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March 12, 2012

B is for Balls

B is for Balls

B is for Balls

When I was in the second grade, I learned that if you kicked boys in the balls, that they would cry and leave you alone. Well. Most of them. Some required several kicks.

And I knew that my brother nor any of the neighbors would ride my fabulous green girls bike because if they fell off, they would hit their balls on the sissy bar and possibly die.

As I got older I realized that balls were indeed magical things. If they got cold, they would snuggle up into the mans crotch, and when they got warm, they would hang low to cool off. Mother Nature obviously thought quite highly of these … balls. Better not touch them. They were delicate like eggs and could break under the slightest duress. They should also never be teased and not pleased because they could turn blue and … what? Fall off? They were also not a thing to be laughed at or mocked.

Then I started working as a Professional Dominatrix.  Read more...

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March 10, 2012

Smutty Lit

Smutty Lit

Smutty Lit

I want to do a social experiment. I want to send a book out, Macho Sluts, to one of my twitter followers, when they were done with it, they could send it out to one of their followers, then their follower could send it on, and so on, and so on, and so on. Each reader would write their twitter name on the inside cover and I would post a map that I would update with pins as to it’s location. If it went well, I would send another out into circulation.  Read more...

  • I would want to know where the book was so you would need to let me know when you recieved it and sent it on.
  • I would want to know what city you were in, or at least, a loose approximation, so I could update the map.
  • Were you to write a post or review, I would of course post a link to it.

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March 9, 2012

This one goes to 11!

This one goes to 11!

This one goes to 11!

69 (heh) + 42 (the answer to the life, the universe and everything) = 111. Drop the 1. I picked 11.

The person closest to that number wins the Best Sex Writing 2012 pack.

I’ll be logging in shortly to announce who that was!

**************************************************

We have a winner! The (dis)Honorable Mrs Mary Johnson at http://ineedaplaydate.blogspot.com/ came closest with her guess of 9.9. I’ll be in touch soon to get your address!

I’m surprised at how fun it was to do a giveaway! I may have to do another! I’m also thinking about starting a naughty book exchange. Let me know if you would be interested!

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March 8, 2012

A is for Assholes

A is for Assholes

A is for Assholes

I’m in the business of keeping secrets. I know about your weirdest, deepest sexual fantasies. I help expand them and make you even more twisted.

And I don’t tell a soul.

If you are a good boy that is.

If you follow common decency. Book appointment. Keep appointment. Pay for appointment. Don’t steal anything. Don’t push my predetermined limits. Pretty simple for most people.

But some people find common decency difficult, if not impossible.

These people we do talk about. Pro Dommes (as well as other types of sex workers) have on-line forums where, once you fall into those habits, we discuss you. You become *proper name* the *problem habit* ( or sometimes just *problem habit* *proper name*. What ever.) and your information is quickly passed around like party favors.  Read more...

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March 7, 2012

I’m not a super model, but I play one on The Internets.

Angie Dickinson after she ate a grape.

Angie Dickinson after she ate a grape.

I’m getting ready for my first photo shoot in quite a while, and thought I would share a couple of the secrets I’ve learned over the years, either from actual models, actual photographers, or by unfortunate error on my part.

First. Relax. So many people get nervous in front of the camera because they thing they don’t take good pictures. It’s true. They don’t. Because cameras capture emotion and their emotion is OH SHIT I’MA ABOUT TO GET MY PICTURE TAKEN. 0_o

Easier said then done, I know. But perhaps my second hint will help. Think of something naughty. I generally think of doing something naughty to the photographer, but if you photographer is dear Aunt Mary, perhaps you can think of doing something naughty to someone else. Even read something to get the juices flowing instead. Then, instead of the camera capturing Omfg I hate these family photos and a forced smile, it will capture a genuine smile and only you will know that you were thinking Man I love my rabbit! Suckers don’t know I just used it in your bathroom.   Read more...

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March 5, 2012

The State of Today’s Sexual Culture

Best Sex Writing 2012

Best Sex Writing 2012

When I was first approached about reviewing Best Sex Writing 2012 and doing  a give away, I was all, yeah. I have a two year old and a twitter habit and the last actual book I read was when I was pregnant. And really, with the amount of time I have for actual sex these days, the LAST thing I wanted was to be forced to read about a bunch of people who do, get wound up, then return to doing competitive laundry folding. I was assured that this book was different and that I should give it a chance. I figured that if nothing else, you people needed a chance at free smut, so here I am.

Thing is, I really like this book. It is different. It’s not what you think of when you think “Sex Writing” because even as you read that, you are thinking about big cock, rippling muscles and bouncing titties aren’t you. It’s cool. So was I.  Read more...

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