Category Archives: The Little Monkey
Future Fetishist of America
Future Fetishist of America
Today I rode the train into The City for a girlie lunch. As in, two girlies, no toddlers. Last night I could barely sleep with anticipation for you see, I have not actually had a girlie moment out without a client or toddler or anything in… months. Mayhaps years.
My biggest question – What Do Girlies Talk About?! Would I remember how to socialize with a grown up or would I sit across from her in uncomfortable silence staring at her cleavage with nothing to say other then… “did you see that episode of Yo Gabba Gabba where Muno is scared to get on that train?”
I promised myself I would not talk about infertility or work (for yes, she is also a Dominatrix) and I WOULD NOT CRY.
Within the first two seconds of her walking into the restaurant I’m all… “Miscarrige, IVF, Infertility sucks, WAAAAHHH!! Soo.. how’s work.”
FAIL.
I did however manage not to stare at her cleavage OR talk about Yo Gabba Gabba. Too much. Mainly because she was wearing a scarf.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., The Little Monkey
The Unobtainable Goal
yin and yang
Last month I saw a client in the dungeon. I was distant. I was demanding. I gave incomplete orders and teased and tormented him when he could not complete them to my liking. I escalated it. I demanded that these unobtainable goals and demands be met faster. He groveled. He tried. I complained loudly. I called him names. I threw things at him. Every time he got close I changed my mind about what I wanted. At one point I slapped him. He begged for more information. I refused to give it to him. I would tell him I already had given him the information. It didn’t end well for him.
Flash to this morning. Monkey wanted breakfast. But not that breakfast. And he wanted it fast. Actually, he wanted it when he was done playing with his cars. Then he wanted his breakfast again. But not the second one. The first one. But in a different bowl. WHY WASN’T I LISTENING TO HIM!? He tasted his breakfast and decided it was ok. Nope. He changed his mind. It nearly went on the floor. He pointed across the room and is his clearest and most demanding voice said “GUK! GUUUUK!” It did not end well for me.
Filed under The Little Monkey
To tell, or not to tell.
Lonely in Fantasyland
Most of our friends knew about the first two cycles. And the miscarriage. I didn’t feel like I had much support from them, and I didn’t want to go through telling them about another miscarriage or failure, so I didn’t tell anyone about the FET. But I don’t know that it was easier to just keep it to myself.
I’m not sure if people don’t talk to me about it because they don’t comprehend it, or they don’t know what to say. Or maybe they just don’t understand my desire to have another baby. Maybe they think I should get over it and move on.
I’ve thought about writing to my closest girlfriends and explaining, in detail, what I’m going through and asking for support. But then I realize there are two problems with that.
First. Since having Monkey and moving to the ‘burbs, I’m not sure who my close friends are anymore.
Coupon Love
Crunchy Peanut Butter... Toast?
I used to think I was allergic to air travel. Every time I arrived anywhere, my stomach hurt, and my skin itched. Turns out, I’m allergic to peanuts. Never been a huge fan, and that news made me pretty much hate them. The smell makes me gag.
Fast forward to last week where Monkey discovered cashews at Costco.
Then decided he would eat nothing but for three days.
Monkey only has about a dozen teeth.
Today, this picture? It is exactly what I found in Monkey’s diaper.
Except it smelled like the sewer.
Yet, Still I Would Like Another.
In other news, DaddyO has given the go ahead *drum roll please* to do One More Cycle!! I recieved my blood test results today, and my FSH is 6.8, and my estrogen level is 13. My lucky number!
Because we have spend so much on IF this year, and made so little, this round is completely tax deductable. That’s right Folks. We are only trying again because we have a coupon.
Filed under The Little Monkey
Good vs Evil?
Good vs Evil?
WAaaahhhhh I wanna another baby… and I can’t stop obsessing.
Filed under The Little Monkey, Trying To Breed
Gone Fishing
Gone Fishing
Step dad was finally released from infectious disease dr on Tuesday so, Monkey is and grandma and grandpas and we are off to Hawaii for a friends wedding in the same family house that DaddyO and I got engaged at.
The only flight left was first class.
Oh darn. 
We are coach on the way back, but I brought the rest of the pain pills from the miscarriage so we should be fine.
Will be in the air almost as long as we are actually there… But… Yippee!
Then home for a few days, then on the the rescheduled trip to Disneyland with my mom and monkey.
Then the FET on the 22nd.
Oh, and DaddyO was just offered three contracting jobs!
This month is coming together suddenly, and quite nicely! Nice departure from the shit storm of this last summer.
Daaamn!
Off To The Races (TTC#2)
Off to the races!
Aunt Flo has arrived amongst much gas and bloat and zits and more then a few tears. I started my estrace today and will be doing the FET about the 20th of October.
I’m excited and scared and bloated and sorta teary.
As I may have already mentioned. Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah…
Amongst all the gas and bloat and zits, Monkey is battling his bi-monthly cold and decided to have another sensitive lungs issue last night leaving me up from 1-4am with a crying baby and a nebulizor. But from 11pm till 1am, and from 4am until 6am…. I slept like a baby! (Up every two hours crying.)
So.. today was a waste. I was supposed to be out at my friends bachelorette dinner while DaddyO is out with the bachelor party, but I didn’t want to stick Monkey and his nebulizor with my mom who is still having to give my step dad IV antibiotics for his septic leg twice a day so I could go out with the girls. So, I’m home with the sick Monkey and DaddyO is out having steak and getting lap dances. And yes. I’m green with jealousy cause I WANT A STEAK AND A LAP DANCE AND TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!
In which we ride Ruby On Rails all the way to the funny farm
The Funny Farm.
I’m not even sure where to begin on this one. But I do know where to end. In the middle. In the middle of my life that is.
Last Friday morning I had to take Monkey to his 18 month appointment, where he DID get his vaccinations thank you very much, then drive 40 minutes in one direction to drop Monkey off with my mom and step-dad (who we will call Nana and Grumpa) then drive 2 hours in the other direction for Date Weekend with DaddyO. We took a Ruby on Rails class together. Ohh, sweet geek love. Friday night was the install, and Saturday was the actual class. To save driving all the way home Friday night, then back to class Saturday morning we opted to stay with friends in The City.
Friday after getting Ruby and Rails and a plethora of other fun open source software set up on our laptops, we headed out to our friends place.
Boring Update About Boring Things.
booooring.
Monkey is sleeping in his bed! I am still in complete and absolute shock every time I say it’s Nite Nite and he climbs into the crib. He fusses, tosses and turns and then?
He goes to sleep.
And? He sleeps all night. Or, at least until 6am. That 6 am thing is still killing me. Being a sex worker means never having to see 6am. At least, you know, from THAT side of it. Staying up till 6am…
Actually, truth be told, not so much into that either.
But given the choice, would MUCH rather party till 6am, then peel myself out of bed to sit and watch Yo Gabba Gabba with a gabbering toddler.
Ok. Really. More confessions here. I like Yo Gabba Gabba and I will cuddle with Monkey ANY time he lets me. Just… Does It Have To Be 6am??
So now I’m finally getting 6 and 7 hours sleep. IN A ROW! And it has done wonders for my attitude. I’ve even gotten some special DaddyO time. But still, the second Monkey is in bed…
Filed under The Little Monkey, Trying To Breed
Sleep Draining Revisited
sleeping baby. not mine.
So, we have spent the last week and a half or so with Monkey sleeping in his own bed.
The Evil, Evil Crib.
The crib I was sure was bathed in holy water the way it made him scream every time I laid him in it for the last 17 and something months.
Amazingly enough, it was way easier then either of us had expected!
Sort of.
I had started telling him he was going to be sleeping in his Big Boy bed that night earlier in the day. We went through our new sleep routine, bath, book, bed, and tucked in. He screamed. I left the room. He screamed louder. I waited 10 minutes in which I was fairly certain I would return to a room covered top to bottom in vomit he was screaming, coughing, and gagging so loudly.
But nope. Just a teary eyed EXHAUSTED toddler. No vomit.
Filed under Random Fluffy Bits, The Little Monkey
Chickenpig2 on D is for DominationYou are definitely as much a therapist as a sex worker, although being a therapist would require investing in a whole new wardrobe, not to mention an office with a trickling water feature, soft new agey music, and maybe a fish tank. 
braving_ivf on D is for DominationProof of how complicated we all are. Physical/emotional/mental stuff all collides sometimes. I'm confident they both felt well taken care of, even if it wasn't exactly how they expected to be taken care of when they arrived. 
tzzw on D is for DominationI'm not kidding: 80% of my sessions are like this. Self care! Have fun at Disneyland! :) 
dipitie on D is for DominationWow. You really do have a tough job. You are closer to a therapist than you are a sex worker. 
Lynn Lacroix on The Other Women: Lynn Lacroix, part deuxThanks for sharing my story again, Mona! It's funny. I wrote it, but I still get turned on reading it.