Category Archives: Knocked Up
Freaking Awesome!
Freaking Awesome
Now that I can do NOTHING but sit on my butt and watch tv… I have a massive ingrown hair in my lady bits.
Really? Seriously? Now? When any moment now I will be baring them to the world?
Freaking Awesome.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Knocked Up
Best. Babyshower. Ever!
Last night I went to my first real baby shower ever. Yes, this is my 4th baby, but I have never had a real baby shower. I had a mother in law shower, in which a bunch of people who my former mother in law knew came over when I was 15 and pregnant with my first, clucked-clucked at my tender age and talked amongst themselves. But never a real gathering of my friends to celebrate my rotund and expecting state. And strangely enough, while my vanilla friends have been rather distant and my kinky Domme friends have been warm and supportive, and they were the ones who through me the shower.
So, it was not at all what one might call a normal baby shower. It was after all, held in the dungeon. And – there were servants. Also? Tons of unbelievably cute baby gifts wrapped in the most adorable paper and ribbons. And, and of course, cupcakes with rubber ducks, baby bottles and little diapers on top of them! A typical baby shower. No?
Filed under Knocked Up, The Spanking Factory
My First Day Off
Officially. Off. No pending work from either business. No longer answering the phone. No longer answering email. Last week I switched from the lovonox to the heparin, the first step towards getting ready for birth. Today – 37 weeks, is the beginning of the window for delivery. Starting about two days ago, my dog suddenly because very snugly and affectionate. Does he know something I don’t?
Friends keep saying that we must be so excited. If that is your wasp-waisted, sushi eating, cocktail drinking word for TERRIFIED? Then yes. Definately.
Oh, but you’ve done it before. Um, yeah, 20 years ago. When I was a teenager. When I had no life. No set expectations. When I didn’t have a career (x2) I’m putting on hold. When I didn’t have (unfortunately) that much invested in my relationship. When I hadn’t spent 40 years building a life.
Filed under Knocked Up
And the moment has come…
Today I’m seeing my last client. I’m 34 weeks pregnant, can not see my feet, waddle when I walk, and grumble a lot. Yet, some man is still willing to pay me the big bucks to torture his cock and balls.
And he wants to know if I’m sure I will not be up to seeing him next month. Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to be loved and adored, but seriously. Who finds this sexy?
I will miss the dungeon, the toys, the admiration, and especially THE MONEY. I will not miss slothing here in my sweats and knowing that in 1 hour I need to be half way across town with my Domme on, fighting the urge to throw myself on the ground kicking and screaming like a two year old.
I’m not going to miss feeling like my pubic bone is going to split in two with every step I take in my 6 inch heels. And hell yes I take those heels off as soon as the client is bound and blindfolded!
Filed under Knocked Up, The Spanking Factory
I’m in my third trimester and I’m completely unreasonable.
Completely Unreasonable
Fine. I admit it. We have a maid. It started 10 years ago when there were several roommates and everyone would fight about who’s turn it was to take out the trash, clean the kitchen, vaccuum etc. Once we all agreed to kick in a couple bucks each week to have someone else do these tasks life was SOO much easier.
After several false starts, we finally settled with Mr L. Our aging chinese man maid. Every week he showed up and cleaned up after our lazy asses for the sum of $100. On New Years Day every year he would come for an extra $100 and clean AROUND our lazy, seriously hung-over asses and give us dim sum from his uncles shop. He was never bothered by anything he saw anywhere in the house – and trust me. The man could write a book on the inappropriateness he has stumbled across. It was a wonderful relationship. Anytime a client would ask to be my maid, I would smile, think of the horror Mr L had to witness (and I had to share) and say Hell No. If you want to PAY my maid you can, but there is no way I could open my life to anyone else in the way I had to Mr L.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Knocked Up
Maternity Pants
We’ve got so many choices now!
Over the belly. Never seem to be high enough to actually be OVER the belly. They’re like trying to keep a rubber band around an egg. It’s just not happening.
Low and tight over the hips. Also low and tight over the bladder. It’s just not happening.
Roll panel. Not low and tight over the hips. Not all the way up over the belly. Also? Not really anything to hold them up. It’s just not happening.
I have spent the last two months yanking my jeans up like a 4 year old. Totally miss the regular ol’ just crappy jeans that don’t make my ass look up to parr or are tight in all the wrong places.
In other fun, I’m sitting in the Dr’s office today listening to the classical music and watching all the ladies rub their large bellies and the kiddies play with the office toys and the receptionists book appointments and reading the Pregnancy magazine and having such a domestic normal moment, I get a txt from a client letting me know he has finally gotten up the nerve to go to work in garters and stockings over his freshly shaved legs.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Knocked Up
Meet me at the Crossroads…
The Crossroads
Friends and co-workers keep asking me how seeing clients while pregnant is working out. So far, 7 months in, pretty well! Although, I think it’s about to change.
I quit seeing new clients once I started showing, but continue to see regulars. Mostly it’s been a positive experience. Most clients have been very welcoming, concerned about my comfort, (heels, no heavy lifting etc) in session. Those are the clients I continue to see with some regularity.
My adult babies are of course, all very excited – and love being out in public with me and pretending they are awaiting the arrival of a baby brother or sister.
One client, and probably my most broke, blue collar boy, has decided he could not possibly ask me to do all that hard work in session and has insisted on booking doubles with another Domme that I can direct and watch from my thrown. Ahh.. if only life could be so understanding.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Knocked Up, The Spanking Factory
The invasion. It continues.
Or, shall I say, the Hilarious Hijinxs that constitute my life.
As a recap, this year has constituted planning a wedding, nearly a month abroad on honeymoon, simple oral surgery gone a a rye, IVF, successfully PREGNANT!!..?!, evicted, no, not evicted, no, yes, evicted, nevermind, you can stay, no please get out next week, buying a house, (throw a couple random family issues in there), remodeling house, no, nevermind, you don’t need to move, wait was yesterday Christmas?
The upheaval has HIGHlariously intensified last weekend. We had a three day weekend and figured we would get a ton of stuff done on the new house that had to be done before the crew showed up on Monday. Unfortunately we woke up Friday morning to a huge puddle (actually, I think a body of water this size constitutes a pond) in the carpet on the 3rd floor leaking into the second floor. Turns out that in a silly attempt to keep the house above freezing, DaddyO had turned up the heat so that maybe, possible, his pregnant, gassy, cranky bride could once again feel her toes. This made the radiator on the third floor blow a gasket sometime in the night.
Filed under Issues. We All Have Issues., Knocked Up
Alien Invasion
Holy Shit. I’m eating a hoho. I’m knitting, and screaming at the debate on TV, and eating a hoho.
I am the one who eats fresh fruits and vegis every day. I limit the amount of red meat I eat, although I thoroughly enjoy a good steak, I want it to be free range, hormone free. I don’t eat ANY corn syrup or processed sugars. I NEVER eat fast food. I don’t give the dessert menu more then a glance. I think you get the point.
Suddenly Taco Bell seems like a perfectly fine meal. I can even eat the “ground beef” in the tacos which is further proof that it is indeed, not meat. Because so far, I seem to be perfectly content to survive on red seedless grapes.
And suddenly Hostess products because last night I thought I was a gonna die if I didn’t get a cup cake. Soon. Unfortunately the only thing open was a corner store with the afforementioned HoHo’s.
Filed under Knocked Up
Missing: One Little Lady.
Mmm.... tacos...
Also answers to Pussy Cat, Mrs. Hoohoo, Private Coochi, Vajayjay, Miss Muffy, Honey Pot and occasionally, Pink Taco. Last seen about two weeks ago. Last night I thought I saw her in the mirror, but it turned out to be her evil twin, all crazed, hair growing ever which way, swollen and moody.
Yes. I’m getting that large already.
Filed under Knocked Up
Chickenpig2 on D is for DominationYou are definitely as much a therapist as a sex worker, although being a therapist would require investing in a whole new wardrobe, not to mention an office with a trickling water feature, soft new agey music, and maybe a fish tank. 
braving_ivf on D is for DominationProof of how complicated we all are. Physical/emotional/mental stuff all collides sometimes. I'm confident they both felt well taken care of, even if it wasn't exactly how they expected to be taken care of when they arrived. 
tzzw on D is for DominationI'm not kidding: 80% of my sessions are like this. Self care! Have fun at Disneyland! :) 
dipitie on D is for DominationWow. You really do have a tough job. You are closer to a therapist than you are a sex worker. 
Lynn Lacroix on The Other Women: Lynn Lacroix, part deuxThanks for sharing my story again, Mona! It's funny. I wrote it, but I still get turned on reading it.