Category Archives: Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Girls
These Balls Are Too Big
Big Uncomfortable Bouncy Balls.
This is a review of a toy I purchased years ago.
Some time ago I promised a series of Momgina sex toy reviews. Then ALL THE THINGS HAPPENED and I wrote half of them and didn’t post any over them. SO without further ado, in which I could get distracted by something shiny, or someone wrecking havok, may I present the first review.
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Yo Ho! Harlots Day in Disneyland!
Yo Ho!! Harlots Day in Disneyland!
(Reposted from Glitterhood.com)
I am co-organizing a sexy meet-up in Disneyland with the (dis)honorable Queerie Bradshaw May 8th and 9th. This is a chance for sex workers, sex writers, sex educators and basically, any woman who considers herself part of the Glitterhood, to network, exchange ideas, stories and hugs over cocktails at Trader Sams, and turkey legs while standing in line for Space Mountain. Because really, what could make the happiest place on earth happier, then boobs and sex talk?
We aren’t trying to be in any ones face, nor, Mouse forbid, get kicked out, so we plan to keep everything (fairly) family friendly (to the untrained eye). Plus, many of us will be bringing our kids.
There will be plenty of scheduled meet ups, of every flavor, both inside the parks, as well as on Disney property outside the park where we can meet those who don’t want to invest in a ticket.
Check out the Facebook event page for the latest and greatest, or sign up for the Mona Darling news letter to get all the important updates in your sexy box.
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Momgina
I obviously need to go here and get a new one. Mines broken. It leaks when I sneeze.
It’s a tragic affliction and it probably effects someone close to you. Mom’s everywhere not paying proper attention to Jr’s antics because they are too busy wondering if that next sneeze or cough is going to send them to the bathroom to change their panties.
Or maybe that’s just me.
All I know is that I have a friend who drank too much water before gym and now has a really horrible post traumatic stress-type reaction to jumping jacks.
That friend is me. It was like having my water break all over again. Just a little tiny bit with every…
single…
jump.
(Note: I will no longer be meeting people who read my blog in person.)
I know. Stop and start your stream when you pee. You will firm up those muscles in no time! But you see, I pee on people all the time. I can start, stop and even aim like you wouldn’t believe.
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Awesome Discreet Vibrator!
Flash Mini Vib by Lovehoney
I’m have certainly never been one to search out a discreet vibrator. I have explained the uses of more then my fair share of sex toys and bondage equipment to airport security personal.
In fact, I have opened my suitcase and had my rabbit pop out in more then my fair share of airports, shocking more then my fair share of fellow travelers.
It’s hard to be shy about these things when you just aren’t… smooth. I have a mad crazy skill for humiliating myself in public.
Exhibit A:
Flirting with my ungodly hot contortion instructor and went to pull up my yoga pants. Gave myself a g-string wedgie instead. #SexyFail
— Mona Darling (@DeadCowGirl) March 9, 2013
Notice that five of my “friends” liked the fact that I just gave myself a nearly fatal wedgie. I have the best friends!
But I digress.
Resolve To Overcome Your Sexual Shyness – Astroglide Giveaway
Astroglide Dr. Yvonne
As evidenced by the crowds at the gym, it’s New Years Resolution time. I have long since given up on traditional resolutions like lose weight, exercise more or stop making fun of the old guys at my local coffee shop who wear tight spandex bicycle apparel to ride their bikes four blocks and sit in the coffee shop all morning cackling like mama hens with a freshly laid egg, making it hard for me to concentrate.
Also? I hope I’m still riding a bike with a large group of friends well into my 70′s.
But this year Astroglide’s Sexual Wellness Ambassador Dr. Yvonne Fulbright is offering suggestions to help overcome sexual shyness in 2013 and they have asked me comment! Astroglide is giving away free samples to help facilitate that exploration. That is a resolution I can get behind (in front of, on top of and possibly, with proper negotiation, underneath.)
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Cage Fight: We-Vibe II vs. Lelo Insignia Tiani 2
Vibrator Cage Fight
I know what you’re thinking. Best cage fight ever! And yes. You would be correct. If I must host a cage fight, I could not ask for a better battle.
The We Vibe came out kicking. It was powerful, innovative, amazaballs and fucking awesome.
The Tiani however was shiny and new.
I reviewed the We-Vibe several months ago and if anything, I love it more now then I did then. My husband and I have actually had post coital discussions about nominating the designers for a nobel sex prize.
Finding out I was going to get a Tiani to review … oh my. It’s like, shiny and pretty… and… has two different attachments … and a remote and …. GET IT OUT OF THE BOX! Such a pretty box too! The We-Vibe just came is sort of a normal box.
We charged it and then waited to get the bed to ourselves. Without a toddler in it. When Aunt Flo wasn’t visiting. When both of us were awake, interested in sex and alert enough to try a new toy. It took a while. Finally, the big night arrived! Oh, the excitement!
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E is for Erotic Embarrassment
Hope no one saw that. Sorta.
You are carrying your groceries to the car and trip in your new heels and fall on your ass. Embarrassment.
You are carrying your groceries to the car and trip in your new heels and fall on your ass and the bag boy who looks like Christian Bale catches you and holds you tight. Erotic Embarrassment.
You go out with your partner and just as your arrive at the restaurant, you realize the dress you are wearing is a little more see through then you thought. Embarrassment.
Your spends dinner telling you how much it turns them on. Erotic Embarrassment.
Watch Magic Mike and pussy gets wet. Embarrassment.
Watching Magic Mike and partner slips fingers inside panties and appreciates that wetness verbally. Erotic Embarrassment.
As a Professional Dominatrix, I get a lot of requests for humiliation and erotic embarrassment. It can be one of the hardest, most mentally challenging games to play.
My Dirty Little Secret
Old Faithful
I have a dirty little secret. I have a ton of sex toys.
Um. No, that’s not my Dirty Little Secret. Everyone knows that.
I have so many sex toys that when my husband and I moved, we had to have a serious sit down and discuss which ones to keep, and which ones to toss. We ended up with a large bag of dildos and vibrators and a very diffucult question to answer.
HOW do you dispose of a giant bag full of dildos? It’s not something you just want to toss in your own trash can because you KNOW that would be the morning some neighbor would be walking their dog and need to toss something in the trash and open your trash can and be all like, Wow. That’s a giant bag of dildos and things at the dog park would never be the same again.
So we tossed them in the neighbors trash can.
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Goodfella Dildo and Wonder Woman Harness Reviewed
Wonder Woman Harness and Goodfella Cock
Well then.
Last month I received my fabulous new Wonder Woman harness and Goodfella dildo and wrote a little review of my initial impression. Then I took it to the dungeon for a more thorough testing. Over all, my initial impression where totally spot on. The balls are awesome and the harness holds them firmly in place. However, I still, even more so, wish the Goodfella was a bit bigger.
Mistress hates being in the dungeon and finding out that her cock is smaller then that of her submissive. It’s like showing up to a party in the same dress as the hostess, your arch rival from high school. Except perhaps, even more uncomfortable.
Thankfully, my clients are generally so happy to be in the room with me wearing a dick, that they don’t notice. It’s just me hanging my head in shame and they don’t notice because they can’t take their eyes off my amazaBALLS!
Strapping a Goodfella On
Beaker my darling, I have a surprise for you!
Several months ago, I found this great realistic cock on Eden Fantasys and pinned it on Pinterest to get later…. and it is now my most re-pinned pin and has been sold out for months. 
I waited and watched and every time it was available, I wasn’t. I’m sure we’ve all had relationships like this.
Finally, earlier this month, we were both ready. The Goodfella arrived with it’s equally dreamy partner, The Wonder Woman harness and I squee’d with great joy as I pulled them out of the box. I have been a Dominatrix for just shy of 20 years. That means I have just about 4 billion man hours experience with strap-ons and strap-on harnesses. 4 billion. No joke. And if you’ve read my reviews before, you know I’m not going to pull any punches. I’m not going to pander to anyone. If I don’t like your toy. I don’t like it. I’ll tell you why, and you can make your own decisions in regards to if it will work for you.
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PickyBritches on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayWe hide our BDSM lifestyle by doing things like using the miniblind handle as a whipper! You know, they just sort of pop right off the hook, don't make much noise, and sting like a mother fucker! Perfect! :D 
neeroc on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayV (5) was with me when that IG pic came across my timeline. I told her they were earrings *g* 
QueerieBradshaw on Thinking Outside The Box Give AwayI wanted to post something about anal being outside of the box, but I couldn't come up with something funny enough. My life is thinking outside of the box. Including buying paddles with you at the place we aren't mentioning due to you not wanting to be sued. 
Mona Darling on A Rockin Parenting Fail.I got a new system. I'll post about how he out smarted me on that one soon. :-/