What Husbands Really Want

48 Days Free of Arguments About What I Bought At Target.

Every month when my husband is going over our budget I hear the same thing from his office. “Jesus Christ?! What exactly do they sell at Target?”

My reply is the stock, “Well, I went in to get *insert $10 item* but they were having a sale and then I found stuff in the clearance, plus I had that 5% off coupon from filling prescriptions so I thought it would be a good time to stock up on some other stuff we may or may not need. Plus, it’s cheaper then therapy.”

This exchange is generally followed by the sound of his head hitting the keyboard accompanied by some quiet weeping.

But, he forgets that, were I not able to waste hours in Target, that day I needed to have the car worked on? And it was cold out? Ok. Slightly chilly, but still. Monkey and I would have been stuck shivering at the park for fours hours and instead, we were snug and warm in Target, eating popcorn and looking at toys and kitchen stuff. And that was the day I found the new fabulous blanket!

(And I know you say we don’t need any more blankets, but I do see you using them every night!)

(And remember that time I found those cute tiki boxers for you in the clearance? For like, $1.27? I never would have found those if I didn’t spend enough time there to know exactly where all the clearance racks are.)

So, as my husband’s birthday approached and I wandered around Target wondering what to get him, I jokingly said to my self, “Heh. What he would probably really like is if I didn’t shop at Target so much.”

And so, an impossibly bad idea was born.

48 days of no shopping at Target, in honor of his 40… Something birthday. His immediate response upon opening the card?

“You will never be able to do this.”

I thought thank you would be a nicer response, but I’ll take it.

Of course, if he really loved me, he would have said “You don’t have to do this! I know how important shopping at Target is to your sanity!” but apparently he is fine if I go a little more insane.

Perhaps the dr can up my Prozac.

Or maybe I’ll just drink more.

But in order that I am able to keep my promise to my one true love, I am enlisting your help, dear internets. Tell me, where else can I shop?

Also? There is a stipulation that I can still go in to pick up my prescriptions. Should there also be a stipulation that I can shop there as long as a slave pays? Although if that was always possible I wouldn’t be writing this post and Mr would be getting a bottle of scotch for his birthday. Again.

Stick with me ladies. It’s going to be a long six weeks. I think I already have the DT’s.