A friend of mine was raped the other night. It was very Fifty Shades of Grey. He’s quite wealthy and fairly attractive. She’d met him once before and liked him enough to give him her number and invite him to a small party she was having at her place. Except, he wouldn’t leave her place after the party. Instead he spend the night assaulting and raping her.
Yet, somehow, by morning, she wasn’t in love with him. I’m not sure where things diverged from the book, but instead of falling head over heels in love with his twitchy hand, she is now pressing charges against it. Perhaps he should have bought her a computer or a car first.
She went to the trauma center and submitted to a rape kit. Pictures were taken of the bruises. Strangers took swaps and samples of various private places. Plan B and anti HIV meds were dispensed because he didn’t use a condom.
Then she spent the following day wondering if she should press charges.
What will happen to her. What will the media do with this information. Will they believe her? After all, she did invite him over. And she didn’t run screaming into the night at any point. Instead she closed down. She ignored what was happening to her body against her will and hoped for it to be over quickly. And he is a young, successful business man. He usually has women throwing themselves at him. Won’t people simply say she has a case of the morning after regrets?
First she is victimized, then she has to weigh what further damage will be done to her life if she talks.
And through it all, there is the victim blaming. Were you drinking? What were you wearing? Were you flirting with him? Why did you let him stay after everyone else left? Why didn’t you go screaming into the night? Why didn’t you just kick him in the balls? Why didn’t you call the police? Why didn’t you …
Everyone thinks that if they were ever raped, they would just kick them in the balls. Run away. Scream until they left. But in reality, when it happens, it’s not always that easy.
Have you ever been raped? Did you react the same way you had previously thought you would? Did you press charges? What happened to your rapist? How did you feel afterwards?
Sorry. No Beaker picture for this one. Beaker is too sad for the camera.
I have the sheer dumb luck never to have been raped, but one thing I've learned from survivor's writing is that shutting down the way your friend did is completely normal. I'm very sad to say it makes total sense not to fight back - it gets the experience over with as quickly as possible without further injury or making the asshole angrier.
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