Today is one of those days where I wish I could be more open with my location. It’s sort of a pain to be all, OMG YOU GUYS!! Guess what I’m doing today?? I’m taking Monkey to ########!!! He’s going to be so excited! I wish I could post pictures of him and his three year old euphoria (which, realistically, he gets just from seeing, well, pretty much anything with wheels, and then you would be all, omg, I live right down the street from there we should have a play date with mommy drinks, and I’d be all Yay! You’re my new BFF!
Of course then inevitably, we would get all drunk at nap time and the kids would wake up and we be all crying about infertility and those fucking fluffy kittens that go viral instead of our BRILLIANT MOTHER FUCKING BLOG POSTS and streaming mascara down our faces.
Just kidding. Neither one of us have time for mascara.
But by now the kids are awake, the house didn’t get cleaned, my favorite cocktail glass got broken, and we are fighting over who hates the Kardashians more, and one of us would call the other a skinny bitch, there would be a huge cat fight in front of the kids and my favorite panties would get ripped and everything is just be a mess.
Forget it. It’s probably better this way.
Anyway. Gotta go. Taking Monkey to ######. He’s going to be so excited!