How To Be Sexy

How to be sexy

Nickelodeon’s ParentsConnect is using the month of May to empower moms to be super self-confident and sexy and asked me to say a few words, offer a few tips and hints to help build confidence and feel sexy.

Flirt with the Barrista. Remember when we were young and single and child free and went to the bars with our girlfriends and flirted with the bartender? Remember how great you felt afterwards? It wasn’t just a cocktail or beer buzz, you felt good because you felt desirable. It felt great to see a strange man look at you with desire in their eyes as they said “Did you want that up or on the rocks?”

The only bars my mom friends hang out at these days are the monkey bars, but most of us are at a coffee shop a couple times a week.  Try flirting with the Barrista. Of course this won’t work if you barrista is a 17 year old girl or reminds you of your Grandfather, but hopefully you live in an area where you have a choice of coffee shops and you can find one that does have suitable flirting material behind the counter.

Having someone flirt with you is the number one way to boost confidence. It makes you realize that, you are desired. People in the service industry reply on tips. They get tips for offering good service and making you feel good. Desired even. So basically, it is the barrista’s JOB to flirt with you. Take advantage of that little known bonus service. Walk out with your latte and a sly smile on your face.

Not into coffee shops? Butchers and cashiers and grocery baggers are also in the service industry. Just saying.

Masturbate. Often. I know, many moms say they don’t have that much free to for such endeavors. I don’t mean to make you add another item to your ToDo list, but it’s been proven time and time and time and time again that we need to use it or lose it.

Send a couple of these links to your husband and see if he’s not more willing to take the kids to the park once in a while so you can have some private LadyTime. Invest a few minutes a day in the future of your family, in their happiness, because if mommy is happy, she’s making daddy happy more often and if mommy and daddy are happy then the kids are thrilled.

And get into Ivy League schools.

It’s true.

You should also invest in the proper tools. I know you may choke at the thought of dropping $$$ on a vibrator, but let me explain vibrator economics. A good vibrator will get the job done quickly, allowing you to return to pulling little Johnny from the rafters sooner. And a quality vibrator will last several years so really, for an initial investment of $100, spread over two years, that’s a little over $4 dollars a month to greatly increase the odds that your adorable little curtain climbers will attend a good college, get a fancy degree, and support you in a lavish fashion during your grey and sleepy years. I’m pretty sure even your family accountant could not turn down that investment.

Learn a new language – the language of smut. A couple months ago I did a month long series on how to talk dirty. Talking dirty sets the mind, heart and libido racing. Nothing gets your partners attention like the words “I want you inside me” whispered in his ear.

Or, should you be inclined, something much, much dirtier.

The Art of Talking Rather Smutty (my upcoming ebook) is a skill that will never fail to make you feel sexy. Learning to talk dirty is one of those things that is nearly as fun to learn to do, as it is to actually do. There will be research, late night studying, lots of practicing,  and of course, some advanced studies.

Prepare for life like it’s the Hunger Games. Get a mani/pedi. EXFOLIATE! Get fitted for a bra. Get your lady bits waxed. Learn a new skill. Like pole dancing or rope bondage or aerial acrobatics. It’s  partly the mental process of the preparation, and partially the end results. But either way, prepare your body in a slow, (reasonably) un-rushed way, preferably with a fabulous team of assistants.  It’s a great way to start yourself down the path to feeling sexy. I know it’s nearly impossible to find the time (and sometimes the money) to do these things, but a once a month date with someone somewhere to do something to you, for you, will do wonders in making you feel sexy. File it under maintenance.

Too broke to pay attention? Step into the mall and have someone else apply a fancy new lipstick  to you at the make-up counter. Or watch the discount sites like Groupon or Living Social.

All of these activities, silly and self indulgent as they sound, add to your self confidence and NOTHING is sexier then self confidence. Not big boobs. Not a little waist. Not a tight, firm ass.

All fun and games aside, self confidence is hard after we put our bodies through the ringer of childbearing and rearing. Or worse yet, attempted childbearing. We destroy our bodies, then devote our time and energy loving and caring for our children, or mourning the children that were not to be (or, like in my case, a little from column A, a little from column B) forgetting about ourselves. Every once in a while, we walk passed the mirror and see the woman we have become, soft in all the wrong places, hair uncombed, face unmade and turn ever so slightly in on ourselves. It’s hard to be self confident when you are busy mourning the loss of what and who you were. Sometimes, self confidence needs to be faked, but take it from me, a professional self-confidence faker sometimes all it takes is a little bit of self love and fake self confidence to bring about real change. Because that’s the thing about self confidence, only you are aware of how nervous you are inside. Head up, shoulders back, tits out, smile on your face, the world thinks you have it by the balls. Continue like that and soon you will.

And hopefully, in the other hand, you will have a fancy new vibrator.

What makes you feel sexy? Is sexy mental or physical for you? WHO do you think is sexy? Why?