This is a guest post from The Hipster Homemaker. If you would like to be part of my The Other Women series and write about your sexual identity, contact me! Your story can be silly, sexy or sad. There is no normal and all points of view are invited to join.
From the outside looking in, I seem every bit the “good girl.” I always got good grades, never got in trouble, and never got caught with my panties down. In high school, I had a good number of boyfriends, all of which I refused to sleep with. I am far from religious, and certainly not put off by sexuality, but as a young girl in high school, sex seemed to have too many negative consequences for me to want to do it. Sure, there were times I wanted to, but I always held back. Looking back, I also really got off on the power of telling these guys “no” when they wanted to move things along. Nope, I’m not going to fuck you. Too bad, dude, move on.
Freshman year of college, however, I met the man who eventually became my husband (and father of our 2 year old son). I was 19, and ready to rid myself of my virgin status. So was he. Plus, I really liked him. Like, A LOT more than any of the other guys I had dated. So, after a few weeks of dating, we had sex. It wasn’t awesome. We were both first-timers and didn’t have any idea what we were doing, or what we liked. I swear, I honestly thought we just did it wrong. Like, maybe we didn’t actually have sex after all. So, we talked about it. We read about it. We tried different things. Pretty soon, we were really good.
Now, when I tell people that my list of sexual partners consists of my marriage license, I inevitably get the following questions or comments: “Oh, you were waiting until marriage?” or “You just think it’s good because you don’t have anything else to compare it to.” No, we did not wait until we were married. We waited about 3 weeks. We didn’t get married for another 5 ½ years. And no, I don’t just think it’s good because I haven’t slept with anyone else. I know it’s good. And here’s why:
As cliché and dorky as this sounds, we really, really cared about each other and wanted to please each other. We also did a lot of research. We read sex books and magazines together. We talked about what we wanted to try and what we didn’t. Then, afterwards, we would go over our new adventure, move by move, and talk about what felt good, what didn’t, what we wanted more/less of, and how we could do better next time. Many nights, “next time” was about 20 minutes later. We were young, horny, and couldn’t get enough of each other.
Later, I got a job doing sex toy parties to help pay for college. When you can get any toy you want at cost, things definitely spice up in the bedroom. Not only did it make our time together a lot more fun, but the experimentation I was doing on my own also led me to find things I liked that we could do as a couple, as well.
I have found that since we are (and have always been) so comfortable and open with each other, our sex life reflects that. We are never afraid to try new things, talk about what works, what doesn’t and what our limits are.
We occasionally do roleplaying. I do not like to be in a submissive position at all, so even if my role is traditionally the submissive, I always flip it, and end up being the dom. Our favorite scenarios are police officer and naughty girl getting pulled over (who is really, really bad, and will do anything to get out of another ticket!), professor/student, strangers having a one night stand (and don’t know each other’s names), oh, and of course, the cheerleader effect. Dress up like a cheerleader, and your man is putty in your hands. “Coach, you CAN’T kick me off the team! Take off your pants and I’ll show you why…”
I also enjoy being very dominant and restraining him in various ways. Tying him up, handcuffing him to the bed (or coffee table, or dresser!), blindfolding him, spanking him, etc. To me, nothing gets me hotter than seeing my husband, who is the size of your average NBA player, being rendered completely helpless by a girl who is 5’3 on a good day. We do engage is some light cuckolding, in which I tell my husband that there is no way he is going to be able to get me off, and he’s technique just isn’t up to my standards. He has to prove himself a worthy lover.
Then, there’s the dirty talk. I can’t remember the last time we had sex and dirty talk wasn’t involved. I constantly had a filthy monologue in running in my head, but was always afraid to say those things out loud. Finally, one day, I let it loose. Roleplaying was a good outlet for me to get started with dirty talk, because it wasn’t “me” saying those things, it was my “character.” Eventually, though, I just started blurting out whatever nasty thought was in my head. And I never stopped.
Truth be told, not all of these scenarios always end well. There are times when one (or both) of us will burst out laughing from something the other says or does. Sometimes, things that seem hot in a porno or in a book don’t feel that great in real life. But, we keep trying new things. After 9 years together, and a 9 pound baby tumbling out of my vagina, my husband still wants to have wild sex with me. And I with him. Even with a 2 year old banging on the door.
So, although I may not have a lot of notches on my bedpost, I sure as hell can rock it off the frame.