The Empty Sac
I’m a start up widow. My husband has been working on starting a company for the past year and about six weeks ago it took off. In that six weeks we have had three big important out of town weddings, a huge family reunion, a trip to Disneyland, Monkey fell and broke his collarbone, the frozen embryos transfer and the Mr has taken two week long work trips to NYC. He was in fact, gone when I did the FET. My mom, who is usually just 45 minutes away has been frantically getting her small urban farm ready so she can leave town for a month. She’s now gone.
I could go into more detail about house remodels and my own work, but I think you get the point. No rest for the wicked and I am obviously VERY wicked.
The Mr flew to NYC from the location of the last wedding leaving me to drive home with Monkey on Sunday. Monday morning I had our 6 week ultrasound and thankfully, I had a friend volunteer to go with me. I was thrilled (not really) to finally introduce one of my Pro Domme friends to Mr Wand. We are thinking of adding that to our dungeon role-play senarios.
Infertile sissy cross-dresser role-play anyone?
With Monkey I remember being sick, sleepy and hungry almost immediately. This time the symptoms took forever to show up, then would just disappear for a few days before slowly reappearing. Not just the nausea, but the smell-o-vision and the intense manly hunger as well. I had started sleeping that really deep drooly pregnancy sleep… then suddenly a couple days before the ultrasound - they were all gone.
I was hoping so hard to see something on the ultrasound to ease my worry, but instead… at 6 weeks exactly, we saw nothing, just a perfectly formed empty sac. Not even a yolk. It didn’t seem to be filled with a clear liquid – it seems to be full of haze. The Dr was very somber and said that it was perhaps too early, of that perhaps it was starting to break down. To me, that explained the haze. She said it just seemed … to far away to tell. She told me not to let it ruin my day.
Day? Ruined.
I went and had blood drawn so we could start tracking my HCG. She told me if I had not heard from her by Friday to call her. I made a mental note to key her car if I had not heard from her by close of business on Tuesday.
I spent most of the next 24 hours weeping, watching old Disney movies and trying to hug Monkey who was completely over it all in about 4 minutes. I finally got the call. And missed it. And then she was out to lunch. Then she was with patients. Then I tried to call the medical assistant and get the results from her. The medical assistant didn’t for a second fall for it and told me the Dr would get back to me soon.
I think the only thing that saved me was my friend calling to share dungeon gossip with me.
Finally we talk. My level is certainly high enough that we should have seen something the day before. Can I come back in for another ultrasound?
Hells Yes. Um… but I would be bringing Monkey.
On the 20 minute drive in, I went over my schedule in my head. I had some friends coming over on Sunday who I would need to cancel. I had already arranged to turn my Friday clients over to my friend. Thankfully they were clients that I could do that sort of thing with. I would have to get a dnc because waiting to do it naturally would make me crazy and plus, with the Mr out of town so much, and my mom gone, I could end up having to drag Monkey to the ER with me. I figured we would have to take a break, and do the last transfer after the holidays. That would give me a chance to lose some more weight before we tried again. I started thinking about shopping therapy. I just bought a pair of boots, but could totally use another. Or maybe some stuff for the house. With the remodel, I need to take a trip to Ikea… that’s always good retail therapy.
Never once did I think we would see anything. I just, didn’t enter my brain. I had been going over the maybes and the maybe nots up until the moment she said that my HCG was really high. At that point I figured it was because it was coming down. Other wise – we would have seen SOMETHING the day before.
I txt my husband to let him know I was heading in for another ultrasound. He said Good. Maybe she was just hiding. I thought about how great it must be to be so naive.
Monkey put up with my never ending hugs and silent sniffles in the waiting room as he tried to read the kids books set out with the copies of Redbook and Good Housekeeping. He sat quietly and colored with his crayons and color book in the exam room as the Dr prepared Wandy. She said there had to be something. My levels were too high. I asked, could they just be coming down? She made a face and didn’t answer. As soon as she slide the wand in I could see that everything looked completely differeant. The haze was gone. It was a clear perfectly formed sac with a Mother Fucking YOLK AND god damn FETAL POLE. Everything measures a perfect six weeks one day.
Commence with the balling my eyes out. I can’t even write that without starting to cry again. She said everything looks perfect and she would see me again in two weeks for my regular OB appointment.
Regular. OB. Appointment.
Because…. I’m pregnant.
