My Panty Drawer. A Meme

Angie at A Whole Lot of Nothing started it. Blame her. She’s all… old school blogging! Meme’s suck! Yadda yadda …. Panties….  and suddenly I was paying attention. I was all, ew! I could never show my panty drawer to the interwebs. There’s… stuff in there. It’s a mess. A gross hot mess. It’s the Kardashian of panty drawers.

But then I started laughing at the ridiculousness of my panty drawer. Trust me. If there was an award for ridiculous panty drawers, a Golden Tampon or a Shiny Brass G String – it would oh, so be mine. Let’s have a look, shall we?

My Panty Drawer

1. BDSM VHS tape. Widely distributed. Starring… Me. What? Doesn’t everyone have that in their drawer? My only question is, where are the other two?

2. Not so secret boxes to hide my jewels. No so secret secret? Aside from the box my engagement ring came in? And my teeth? They are empty.

3. Hot Gross Mess.

Exhibit A.

Black lace with rhinestones

Black lace with rhinestones. These are awesome! And even though they were slightly too small for even my pre baby butt, I keep them anyway. Why? Because this is the kind of underwear I want me to think I wear.

Exhibit B

Cheetah Print Sheer

Cheetah Print Sheer. These are the ones I wear when someone else is going to be seeing my panties. Like, a Dr or friends at the spa. See! Not so bad! At one full size too big, they are not much more then glorified boxers though BECAUSE WHO LIKES TIGHT PANTIES? Not me. I own exactly one pair of these and save them for special occasions. Like. The Dr or the Spa.

Exhibit C

Panties with built in garters

Panties with built in garters. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? A great idea in fantasy. A horrible reality. Bend down to pick something up and pants yourself. In front of a client.

I mean. Hypothetically you could.

Exhibit D

Red Underwear

Red Underwear. We should all have several pairs. That, and red lipstick.

Exhibit E

Date night panties

Date night panties. Small and easily disposed of.

Exhibit F

... and we all have some of these

Why? Why do we keep these?

*tosses in trash*

……

*digs out of trash to wear next month.*

Exhibit G

Holiday Panties

Holiday panties. Naughty or Nice? I’m gonna bet Naughty. I’m actually shocked at how many panties I have that have words written across the bum. Guess what I never really ever wear. Yeah. Anything with words across my ass. Doesn’t matter what it actually SAYS, in my mind, all someone is going to see is “wide load coming through.”

Exhibit I

Obviously a gift from a client.

Let me explain, in case you can’t make out the ball o yarn there. There is a piece that covers the front. Then a series of strings that hold another string up your butt. Obviously a gift from a client who also had a fetish for this:

Salami. Delicious? Not sexy.

Perhaps if I went to the gym more often, and ate less, my ass wouldn’t look like this when I put these on, but I don’t, and I could never, and …. they do.

Exhibit J

Tiny black g-string

The tiny black g string. It’s what clients picture me wearing under my catsuit.

Exhibit K

Green polka dotted boy shorts

Green polka dotted boy shorts.  This is more likely what I’m wearing under my catsuit.

Photographic evidence of mans ability to kid himself

Photographic evidence of mans ability to kid himself. Or maybe it’s evidence of my ability to kid him. Either way. There is a large divide between fantasy and reality there.