(This is part of a three part piece. First read I’ll be in my bunk.)
As easy as coming was for me when I was 12, when I was 22, it was near impossible, alone or with a friend. I needed everything to be just so. I needed to be the only one in the house. I needed to catch myself in just the right mood. I needed the moon to be shining just right. I needed … I not sure what I needed. I had a boyfriend. Well, several. And a couple of girlfriends. But achieving a real orgasm was always hard for me.
Men spend nearly all the time they are lucky enough to be in bed with a women trying NOT to cum. Women, on the other hand, are concentrating as hard as they can, to actually achieve orgasm. As per usual, men and women, approaching a common goal, from completely different directions.
Some women are lucky enough to not have any issues. But me? I had a hell of a time figuring it out. Sometimes I even gave up on myself. I’d repeatedly get close, but couldn’t quite seal the deal. If someone else was involved, forget it. Half the time I would just enjoy The Event and not even try to finish. Maybe later. On my own.
If I could.
(Um, seriously. $100 for a vibrator may seem like a lot, but that Rabbit is A Freaking Amazing. I may or may not have spent a good portion of a student grant on one back in the day. It was the best investment I ever made. I mean, if I did do something like that.)
For me, part of figuring things out was finding the proper vibrator and just realizing that I had a hard time coming from manual simulation alone. Vibrator research is a job I suggest you all add to your ToDo lists. Even if you have one. Go find another. You can never have too many. But you know that one that you see next to your grandma’s bed because she uses it on her back? The one that she bought at the local drug store? It’s the one I rely on to do 90% of the heavy lifting.
Wait a minute.
Oh gawds no. Really?
Anyhoos, there are others that come out on special occasions. That’s the great thing about vibrators. No weird jealousy if you see other vibrators or, say, if you want to do a three way with your regularly Scheduled Broadcaster and your vibrator. And since they all offer different textures, vibrations and angles, sometimes it does take a couple of test drives before you know if it’s the one for you. Some women enjoy a high, faster pitch, others, something a little lower and slower. Some internal, others only external. Or? Why not try both – at the same time! That’s where the $100 Rabbit Pearl comes in amazingly, toe curlingly handy.
When I first found my dream vibrator, the one that always took me to my destination, it was the only one that could always get me there. Now that I’ve learned the way to my destition, I’m better at taking other means of transportation.
Then there was my discovery of porn. I was firmly in the “shocked myself how much I liked porn” category. It was… fascinating. It made my tummy feel funny. In a good way. After much …. um.. investigation, I decided I liked the raunchier stuff. And shockingly enough, I do’t really like the kinky stuff. Maybe it’s too close to work, or maybe I’m just irritated at how unrealistic it is.
Because LORDIE knows the rest of it is completely realistic!
But even with the porn, there was a lot of internal debate. I really liked stuff I didn’t want to be part of. I liked to imagine myself in the position of the women who was getting all the nasty stuff done to her. But in real life? Should I be in that position? I WILL KICK YOUR ASS.
Funny thing is, I think it helps me identify with my clients who also want to be in ‘her’ position and are willing to pay for it. I know that basically, deep down (ok, maybe not so deep) they just want to be the center of attention in a passion filled hour or three – even if that passion is actually bondage, whipping and control oriented rather then insert tab A in slot B oriented.
But really, who doesn’t want to be the center of attention of a passion filled hour or three? Or, if you are of the mom and dad variety to toddlers, a minute or three.
These days I don’t have a problem coming, alone – or with my husband. At this point, I know which toys, positions and/or fantasies work for me – but it’s been 20 years of research. My advice – it’s mostly about the toys. Mostly.
Tomorrow I’ll post a list of my favorite Me Time toys.