This weekend was like that. Nothing horrible, nothing great. But a series of crappy events, one after another that on their own, would have been easy to brush off, but all together left me thinking WHAT. THE. FUCK.
* Started it off with a friend who doesn’t know about the whole IVF thing assuming we were done with baby cloths and bugging me to have them for a friend of hers.
* Took Monkey to the zoo for a little play date with a close friend of mine. And her two kinds. One of which was born on June 28th. The day I miscarried. She was txting me from the delivery room when I was starting to bleed and realize there was a serious problem. He’s 4 and a half months old and completely adorable and I love him and hate that his beautiful smile makes me remember my loss.
* Went to a party where I saw friend I’ve not seen in ages. Apparently she didn’t hear about the miscarriage. As I took my coat off she actually moved in for a belly rub. Only to realize a moment to late… I wasn’t pregnant.
* Left my jacket and my humiliated friend and headed out to visit the guest of honor when I ran into a friend who is due on January 30th. I was due January 11th. We had talked when we were first pregnant and were thrilled to be able to go through it together. She looked stunning and ripe and beautiful and it kills me that looking at her made me so very sad.
* Baseline ultrasound. Two antral follicles. *sigh* They insisted I shouldn’t have had any, but … um… It’s not my first Rodeo. I know I should. Why would they deny that?
* And my nurse is out sick. This means my RX didn’t get faxed in until late friday, after the pharmacy closed. I go through a pharmacy in the UK cause it’s way cheaper, and I know if everything is taken care of first thing Monday morning, I should have them Friday in time to start my shots. Should. But it has weighed on my mind all weekend. To order our drugs in the US is going to cost an extra two grand.
Which we don’t have. Because?
* DaddyO didn’t get the job. Two applicants. They went with the other one. Not a huge deal, he’s contracting, and very happy to not be working for The Man, but I was selfishly looking forward to the stability and the extra cash. And the maid I would pay with that cash.
* Found out a friends family house in Hawaii, the house we got engaged in, that we love with all our heart, is being sold.
* Went to dinner with with our friends who are TTC all naturally and such. And they are, indeed, pregnant.
* And? Finally? Icing on the Durian Flavored Cake? DaddyO and I had a big fight. We rarely if ever fight. Then he dropped the “She’s always cranky these days” bomb in front of the newly pregnant couple. Awesome. I feel fat. Sterile. And bonkers. And now… apparently, I’m cranky all the time. Not exactly how I want my husband to think of me.
And seriously? This should be a great weekend. Thinking DaddyO had a job, we planned a quick holiday trip to Disneyland. Yes. Another one. Gotta take advantage of that annual pass! Leaving first thing in the morning. Have to deal with ordering meds on the road. Freaking awesome.