Quick Draw!
I know, dear readers, both of you even, that listening to me lament about wanting another bebeh, and write over and over about the joys of OMG I Finally got some sleep (and? Totally laid, ok, I didn’t write about that, but really, there wasn’t much to write because I was so excited it lasted about 4 nanoseconds. Totally didn’t know girls could prematurely, you know, but, apparently, um… well after not getting any ((WHILE AWAKE)) um, well, yeah, at least I can. Um… anyway… lets try this post again.
Good morning lil Cow Girls! I am here all hopped up on sleep and caffeine and good loving and thought I would post something a little more fun then the usual “Oh, I wanna another BeBeh cause this one isn’t making me crazy enough.” So, thats right. More letters to Mistress from men who can only type with one hand.
I thought I would grab a couple of the shorter, more hilarious ones today. You know. In honor of my own premature … oh … never mind.
Hello mistress, i want to send you my diploma from the university. and you wipe your ass with my diploma. I want you use my diploma like toilet paper. can you do that?
Srsly? Doesn’t sound very absorbent.
My name is ###### a.k.a. as cheesy spit toilet, I have seen Youre gorgeous ads in DDI mag. and have since worshipped this gorgeous Mistress! I hve also visited Youre Website.I am in need of abuses on many levels.I am in the ##### area,please call me at ###-###-#### and just ask for cheesy spit toilet!
I must note that this was the subject of his email. The body of the email was actually blank. Like, I’m assuming. His mind. Yeah. I’ll be dialing you straight away. And a note for our future contact… please don’t use CHEESE’S name in vane! Cheese is sacred and should never be mentioned with either spit, or toilets. Thank you.
GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFULL GODDESS…I AM ACTOR FROM PRAGUE…I WILL LIKE TO COME AT FUTURE TO HOLYWOOD…I AM LOOKING THERE SOME FLAT…BUT I NEED A LADY…SO DO YOU NEED NEW HOUSE slave, servant or maid? YOUR PANTYHOSE FEET LOVER… ###### DE MAID.
p.s. YOU CAN USE MY PRAGUE FLAT. HAWAI IS PERFECT … FOR SUNDANCE ...
I have no idea what this one wants, but I think it’s a place to live, but I’m not sure where.
hi mistress i am your slave from Egypt i came and visited your site and since then i couldn’t stop thinking how powerful u r and how i am weak in front of u and that all i want to be in my life is to be your slut please come to Egypt one day so u can make me your slave and please tell me that you accept me as ur slut
Should I ever be so lucky as to go to Egypt, unless this man is paying my way, he is the last person I will want to see. Cause I will be on Vacation Yo!!
My wife feels that I not respectful to her and I need training she wants me to go for a week to a dominatrix for severe punishment and training, she demands that I find a strong dom that can turn me into a gentleman and punish me with whips and canes until I submit. If this is something that you could do please let me know and how much it will cost.
This is the cliff-notes version of a request I get a lot of. For the most part, it’s basically a fantasy about being forced into BDSM training of some sort and I do quite a lot of it. But, even I think it’s sorta weird that this guy has fantasies about being trained NOT TO Be An Asshole… to his wife. But it’s actually part of something much bigger, and in reality boils down to quite the opposite, that he wants to show that he will do anything for her… this needs to be it’s own post in the near future.
dear lady…. im 37 yo male good looking white athletic well educated gentleman and polite i wanna learn if you do scat, brown shower session ? i hope you do i wanna eat your shit … no much details.. just let me eat your poo. i can pay 300 or 400 usd for that please i beg
THERE WILL BE NO POOOOOO!! If a Mistress does not mention or suggest poo on her web site, she most likely, does NOT want to do it. Quit sending this inquiry. Iz Gross!
And finally:
Hellow beautiful. I was wandering are you very flexible? Could you perform like an exotic dancer? because I would do or pay anything to watch your incredibly gorgeous and sexy legs do the splits. could you do a sexy split for me? hope to here from you. later beautiful!
This one was signed “Your Horney Fan” so he at least gets credit for honesty. But really. Why not just go to a strip club? Oh. And I? I can not do the splits. Totally not that flexible. If you are scared to go to a strip club alone, I will totally go with you. For my hourly rate. And, from the looks of things, you will only have to buy me one lap dance, cause I’m… um… you know… a quick draw.
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