Every damn day! And today, I learned a lot.
First. When you open the fridge, no matter how tasty that little gourmet, pepper covered, slice of salami looks, no matter how it winks, whistles and calls your name, no matter sure you are that you can get your mouth open wide enough to shove that delicious little meaty bite of heaven past all those freshly healed stitches to the teeth that you still have in your head, that are still in working order, to do the ONE job they have in life (aside from biting the delicate bit off an offending male aggressor, should you find yourself in that position), you can not. Your mouth will not be open nearly as wide as you think, knocking black pepper straight down into those freshly healed stitched sending you whirling around the kitchen, one hand covering your mouth, the other held straight out trying to catch yourself cause, you are in your socks and linoleum is slippery, screaming obscenities laced with the words, “No”, “why did I do that to myself” and “stick to the yogurt! Stick to the YOGURT!”.
Second. It’s really hard to be sexy, dominant and mean when you have A.) something that looks like a whitening tray shoved in your mouth that makes you lisp. Badly. B.) Other things on your mind. Mainly. Getting pregnant.
Third. Your body will fuck with you like a drunken one night stand. Because I am certain my period will be late, I went ahead and planned a photo shoot for tomorrow. I will be organizing it. Designing the set. Joining in it. And shooting it. Mentally I am A.) not ready for the shoot and B.) well aware that a watched coochie never bleeds. So, imagine my surprise when I start my period today. One day earlier then the earliest estimate. Now I am even less prepared for my shoot because A.) I’m cramping and swollen and… you know, and B.) even MORE distracted about getting pregnant.
Forth. I get anal on my period and like to write lists. Only short lists though to go along with my short attention sp
